It seems like yesterday....well..kind of sort of. ( this may be a long post )
Monday is Rebecca's birthday-she will be 15 years old. Although, she is a young lady, I still long to hold her and to hug her and tell her that I loved her so much, I was willing to give her only the best--which was I was unable to do in 1993.
There is nothing harder in this world than letting go of someone you love so much, that words could never express the depth of it. The day I placed my daughter was the saddest day in my life thus far. To walk away and look back hoping and praying that I was making the right decision. To hope that one day this little girl would be able to forgive me, but most of all, to tell me that she grew up in the happiest of homes.
I told both of my boys' about their sister about 5 years ago. After seeing her picture and them asking who she was, I decided it was time. Wrong or right.
At first they asked tons of questions. "mama, did you love her?", "mama, can we go visit her?", "mama, did you name her?" and then "mama, why did you give her away?". Although, I've never...ever used the term give away..I guess that is how they saw it.
GOD has been so good to me in these last 15 years...YES, the pain is still there, but the sacrifice is even greater. I do have hope that I will get to meet her once again and that we will have a relationship.
Picking my daughter's parents also was one of the hardest things I've done in my life. How do you pick a couple to parent your child? God played such a huge part in my daughter's adoption & for that, I thank him everyday.
I've got this pink, floral fabric box with all of her things in it. One day, I hope to hand her this box.
Rebecca went to be with her forever family on Sunday, October 17, 1993.
